| OYE UPDATE. |
[12 Dec 2006|04:00pm] |
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mood |
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 productive |
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So iono of you still read this or not.
but ima update for the sake of boredom at tech.
KK. Here we goo
Life: Life is fantastic atthe moment im working on my certification and im going for a double or tri-certification in Computer Stuff haha so everythings been pretty hectic. Family is like WTF contarded. As usual. Dont tlak to my mom, dont tlak to anyone thats on my moms side of the family figured they all hate me by now... Everything at my dads is also pretty lame. Everything pretty mcuh always bullshit. Im 18 years old and everyone BUT my Dad and my uncel treat mt like im some fucknig 2 year old, and then they wonder why i give em so much attitude. hahaa its rediculous. I've come to rezlie who my REAL friends are, and this only seemed to become apparent as soon as I gave the fuck up on someone. And i guess it also has to do withthe whole "Moving Clicks" genre too. But w/e im fucking happy with the friends i got now, rest of yall can fuck off. Im moving to houston after i graduate...and if that doesnt work im satying here but im DEF moving into some sort of apartment or something haha im either getting away from my family, or im getting away from el paso either way i need ot get away :D
Love: Some of you, well most of you may think its extremely contarded and or cliche, but im perfectly content and happy with saying i have fallen in love, uberhardcore with a core by the name of Alexis Chaves :D i knew her someone Sophmore year but really. haha Then i found her on myspace found out where she lived and so on, and we started tlakig and in a month we both knew it had to be fate or something along those lines...yes she lives in VA. and yes i dont give a shit. Shes coming in 1 WEEK and im fucking STOKED!
Now all of you say "CJ how many times have you said you've loved a girl?" haha yes i know i've said it plenty of times, and not to takeoffence to anyone that i may have told that STILL reads this, but thats puppy dog love, that was me showing people it IS possible to love. haha liek a Universal Love. But now i've found absolutle love, love that isnt measure on $$ anounts, or how much time is spent with that person, How you look, how you talk, how you walk, how you kiss, its that love thats only spoken about in books and movies things people ONLY dream of havuing an ive found it and im sooo happpy for it. Be Jealous :D
Everything Else: Suck pretty much suck a nut.
hahaha
I love all of you.
especially those of you who give me ANY feedback hahaha
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| Haha Ironic Shit week. |
[27 Oct 2006|03:28pm] |
OKay soo my iornic week starts out by...
I walk into a lil kick back and see a girl , aka one of my bestest friends who told me 2 weeks ago she wanted to be with me, and she doesnt tlak to alot of guys... laying on a couch all up on some guy. haha. Funny.
2nd thing. Other best friend, whom i've had the hugest crush on...Well she got a boyfriend. That i findcompletely contradictory form what i've always been told... IE attractive qualities. But you know itsall good. And as much as i had to act "selfish" about it, im content in what i've done because i cant stand hearing about it or even seeing it. I'll love her always have always will.
3rd thing. I love when i get told "I dont ever wanna see him and im tired of him , and i cant stand to hear about him... ect" But when i call, shes with him. For some reason, all the time now. odd.
4th thing. hahah same guy, appeared yesterday... hahaha behind me for her.
she alks out didnt sya shit to me but said hi to him. hahahaha damn isnt that some shit. Oh well. hahaha
Now im waiting today to just commmee along and see wtfs gonna happen Today and the weekend :]
Oh btw im getting eloped hahaha
beat that
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| Irony |
[09 Oct 2006|03:41pm] |
For some reason this weekend had "I told you so written all over it"
Erika truley knows the future.
Geez.
Anywho.
Things are still great im at tech, haha listening to dahsboard bored as hell talking to my babe in VA :]
yup VA...
Chainsaw the beginning movie last nite was awesome. BETTR than the first, considdering i had not ONE but two girls digging thier dman nails into my hand, arm, and neck, not to mention i got punched a couple times. hahaha.
but its all good.
Damn Love.
:]
I miss my big burd.
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| Spirit. |
[22 Sep 2006|08:54am] |
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mood |
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 cranky |
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music |
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teachers lecturing about something i know... |
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So things have gotten better.
that may or may not be an understatement.
this weekend will determine that.
hahaha.
Sitting at tech. Preparing myself for life asfter school hahaha, tech and A+ is all im about now. lmfao its like my true love hahaha, i swear ot god im more dedicated to it than anythnig i've ever been dedicated to. But its what i gotta do :]
True love isnt for a boy like me. I'm the type of boy who gets temporoary love, as in it'll be around for a while, and then go away, but you know i've learned to deal with it.
I've taken a huge step in a freindship, that i tink has brought us closer together in more ways than one.
Though, hahaha she dont talk to me much hahahaha. Its cool though. i understand.
I know most of you all dont read, but im doing it for myself :]
ily you though.
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| Hearts race |
[16 Sep 2006|07:38am] |
And a sigh of relief leave my lips.
as well as a smile that shines through my chest.
And just like i thought, it hurt soooo much.
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| Argh |
[12 Sep 2006|09:36am] |
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music |
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cracker talining on a video |
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So im sitting attech with a SHIT load on my mind.
gotta lotta good shit going for me, as well as alot of bad shit going for me.
i mean its jeebs :[
i wanna be with someone to share this shit with me.
but no one wants to really volunteer.
And if they Do. there ALWAYS some wierd limitation i must put up with.
Wierd as in height.
Wierd as in hair.
Wierd as in awkwardness.
Uggghhhh
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| Efff. |
[17 Aug 2006|09:09am] |
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mood |
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cynical |
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music |
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The Format |
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i suck.
nerd.
pathetic.
smile.
to.
make
everyone.
esle.
forget.
goodbye
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| Dayum |
[01 Aug 2006|07:57am] |
Its been raining forthe past 3 days, nonstop.
My back yard and front yardare flooded to the door step.
i hvant seen the sun for days, going up or down.
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| Power outages Are my source of influence |
[24 Jul 2006|11:30pm] |
The lights flcikered, and then shut down. As i too shut down for that mere 3 seconds of unscripted blasphemy. Too scared to walk down halls because of the fear your gongi to run into somethnig unexpected. Funny how power outages resemble situations in life. I touch my hand to my textured walls, trying to find the next door way down the hall, and then the end of the hall where my tile makes a 180 degreee turn towards the frotn door. And i see the largest light i've seen thus far. I head out the door and i feel like im in some sort of nightmare with cars only seemingly running with the tabs in the road, and the people greeting eachother and shake hands like old friends because in the light they dont know each others faces. I go out to the edge of my house and lay on my drive way, not minding all the previous tire marks on the concrete. I lay down and observe something i wish i had seen every nite of my life. The stars. it was but a blanket of them but they werre there, smiling down and feeling sorry for me for being so low, but feelnig flattered becasue of the things runnnig through my head. All those kisses, hugs, words to be written under the stars wasted on moments of regret and repressions of the mind. The soft light surrounding the small blanket of tiny light fixutres in the sky almsot makes what im feelnig and seeing surreal, like somethnig out of a book that an author could have never written. Its amazing how the crickets chirp so synchronizingly obvious to make me think about what i should be saying back to them. I wish i could sing like them. The flashlights layer the night in the many forms they were meant to.
the candles flicker in and out of the breeze coming from the hot air being pushed inside the door from the repetatative conversations about this magnificent event. I start building up enough courage to start thinking about what i could tell her, to make her change her mind, to let her know i've been here the whole time. Just like these stars that only seem to be seen durring these pitch black nites, only visable when just enough light is gone they can shine the brightest. And even if its only a small portion of what the whole thing has to offer, its worth a look i think, something this beautiful shouldn't be wasted, so open both eyes, turn off the world, and look at me.
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| Rawr. |
[22 Jul 2006|09:52am] |
Itd be so cool to just go back.
And undo what i've accomplished, to accomplish almost the same thing.
But better.
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| Well. |
[16 Jul 2006|12:52pm] |
It seems to me everyone that i consider close jsut seems to get further and further the fuck away.
Anabelle seriosly wants nothing to do with me.
Becasue of faggit ass mysapce.
I hardly talk to eriKa anymore.
Someoens a little too busy nowadays to even asnwer a call or call someone.
Well mye and chris are still pretty tight.
Stil ltalk to Desi, but hardly hang out.
And bri works most of the time, guess i could start hanging otu with her alot more haha.
Philly, ahha gives shitty ddirections.
Austin, car broke so we need ot work something out.
And everyone else say they wanna hang out or do something but no one ever fucknig follows through.
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| How?fdgsdfgsdfg |
[04 Jul 2006|08:48pm] |
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mood |
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 geeky |
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music |
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The scene aesthetic-This is a suitable valedictory |
] |
the setting was set of that of a movie, an arm length away on the hood of the car under the lights on the street talknig about what was gonig ot happen. For once i wasnt thinking cliche, i was true, and the truth is what i let out. An emotional detachment left for my world shattered, like when the sun leaves the sky and the stars take over. over a million feelings just running across the sky. I dont even know which one to pick, so i smile and let you relax knowing im not all about kissing and fallnig in love. No matter what happens i know im gonig to have this tingle in my spine when you laugh and look me in the eyes and tell em everything. Thoughts are changed daily, i feel like im playing Russian Roulette, and the kisses and embraces are the thnigs filling the voids that we call "Goodbye"
We'll both be there for each other with all the sunshine in the world at our doorsteps.
When you cry, i will be there to wipe away your tears.
When you Shiver i'll be there to make you warm.
When in doubt im here for the best advice possible.
When in need of love i'll be waiting with open arms.
When in need of a compliment to get your day going, i will be a call away.
When you laugh i'll be there to laugh along with you, and even kill it haha.
I dont need a sappy punchline for this one, cuz its filled with em haha.
Always,
Your Best friend.
C Jiraffe
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| Nothing. |
[30 Jun 2006|05:11pm] |
Lasst nite.
Hotel Party. Way too mcuh smirnoff, got me sick.
Realziing theres nothing left for me in el paso.
No one cares much anymore.
I do have those friedns that do matter and do care for me.
Chris, Ryan, Desi, Erika, and especially bri and her Family.
But not particulalry what im looking for.
Everythnig is gewnerally a lie, or somethnig or someoens being used.
Im finishnig school and im leavingthis place and everyone behind.
Sorry.
I just need to disapear
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| Insights To Whats really happening. |
[13 Jun 2006|10:21pm] |
I used to be able to smile and laugh at all the small things.
I wince and dream now that everything was how it were before this "mistake"
this "Cliche" gut feeling of regret.
I am the King of cliche, a liar, for the pleasure of watching other succeed in happiness when im left with none.
I am the King of bullshit. I bet can make you blush.
I am the king of loneliness, watch me not care.
I am the king of dirty sleeves, let me write your story on my cuffs and rol lthem up never to be seen.
I've foguht and foguht for the words i own, thats what made me know you were real.
I couldnt lie to you.
When im with you i feel like the King of wrong, since im always the one at fault.
I have fought for everything i stand for as of rightnow
Nothing NOTHING can stop me. Not even a couple hundred miles. But when i meet you face to face and let my collar bleed a crimson truth, i know you wouldnt be there to soak it up with your deprived heart. It would be too much effort for you to accept how i feel, i know how much you want to try, and i know how much you say you want it.
Why cant you just SAY it. as much as u say you mean it. Why cant you whisper it or mutter it and say nevermind. It'd be more than trynig to "fix" things.
But i guess karma has hunted me down. And cut out the only part left of my Cliche enscribed wear.
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| car ride home |
[06 Jun 2006|10:01pm] |
On the car ride home i thought about this. Lovely Lovely Little Thing here.
Everything rushing in and out of me like something related to a heart pumping the life in and out of my viens. The wind brushing throguh my hair reminds me of your finger tips that i realyl do adore. I think and think about how i msis you so, with your kid like giggles, and your spectacualr smile. i wonder if she'll come back to me, if she'll come to me and hold my hand, and let me wisp her off her feet into the nite, shower her everythnig have to offer. I'd spell it out in words through the stars, or the creases in my shirt. I let you taste it on my lips when i tell you that I.... I'll still hold myself back, and wait, wait, and wait for the dawn to come and show your face, lined witt every beauty imagineable. The funny faces an awkward silences never did it i know, it was the pause of politeness to see if she'd make the first move or not that helped me determine if shed come back. I still dont know if shed come back, im still paused leaning, leaning leaning over the tallest mountain i've ever climbed, and the only thing holding me up, is my willignness to fall.
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| I've got the curse of over dramatic words... |
[05 Jun 2006|07:44am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Head Automatica? |
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Ironic hoqw everythnig can be perfect for a moment and then in a matter of a 20 min phone call everythnig comes crashing down and exploding in your face.
Life and love are extremely funny things.
I just want one to work for me ever once and a while.
thats ALL I've ever asked.
EVER.
I tried my hardest this time, hardest i think i've ever tired in my life at anything.
And guess what, im STILL fucked, and sitting here. By myself :[
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| Cough |
[14 May 2006|12:18am] |
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fuck you.
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[03 May 2006|07:25pm] |
I feel like. Im not good enough or something.
i dunno what is it?
My hair, my teeth, my face, my personality, my kindness towards other, my sarcasm, my attempts to be as sweet as possible, my way with words?
I mena its like. There's smething that im ding or something about me, preventing people from wanting sum sort of realtionship with me. I wanna have fun, but liek i want someone to be there with me, having fun and taknig about everythnig that makes us tick.
im hopnig on everyone to just be fucking honest /w me.
please
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| ugh. |
[10 Apr 2006|06:35pm] |
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mood |
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 sore |
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So i was right.
I wasnt good enough.
Lmfao. Its funny how it Allll works out.
Either i have TerriBLE timing, or im jsut not worth the time or effort.
YEha i told you to leave me the fuck alone.
I mean i feel like you fucking lied to me.
I think you did. But its happens.
And then you have the nerve to say you care about me. and dotn want me HURT.
LMFAO.
I actually laughed.
Ne who.
Everythnigs peachy on the other hand.
:]
Deng i want some grilled cheese :]
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| Eight |
[05 Apr 2006|07:15pm] |
Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired. Tired.
Gah.
<3 its amazing. osiuhdiuashduihasdf
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